Postal Letter

I just started a new job with really nice people?

I've always had a problem making friends at school/work. This past monday I started a new job with FedEx Kinko's and there is 3 people that I will be working with all day long. They are very nice people (one is exactly my age) and he is a really nice person, he has been talking to me more and more. I don't want to look rude or stuck up by being shy and quiet. I have a hard time around people and it sucks because I want to have long-term frendships with people which I've never had. Since I'm starting fresh what can I do to make new friends (not aquaintences) at my new job. I'd like to hang out with people my age rather than no one, older people, or people online only. I know I have social anxiety disorder for a fact...although I've never seen a doctor for it, the symptoms are very noticeable and pair up with (SAD) I just want to have a normal friendship with someone. For all you out there with stupid answers...please don't give them. I'm not gay or anything like that.

Public Comments

1. That is a hard one. I think that maybe you might want to be honest with your coworkers about your disorder. If they know that you have a hard time with conversations and making friends and that you want to they may be a bit more understanding. I know it's hard because my son has a mild form of autism called Aspergers syndrome and he has a horribley hard time making friends even though he wants them. Good luck I hope you find success.
2. I can say from experience, don't get too close with the people you work with. Casual, at work friendships are great, but I wouldn't go beyond the office. I started a new job almost two years ago with a family who were all very nice to me. I ended up being good friends with the son. I also spent Thanksgiving and Easter and Fourth of July with them since I have no family nearby. In the end, however, when we did have an argument come up it was horrible. Not only did I lose a friend and people to spend special days with, I also nearly lost my job. Even today (4 months after the blow up) things are still uncomfortable at work. There is a definite tension between he and I. I'm like you and have a hard time making friends. I'm all for finding some friends and people to be close with, but I wouldn't reccommend trying to find that kind of friendship at work. It just ends up causing more problems when the inevitable argument does happen.
3. It's hardly been a week, give the relationship some time to grow... after a month or two if you feel comfortable, you could ask some or one of them to hang out somewhere... Dunno how old you are, but you could get a drink... or just ask them over to play some video games or to a movie. You'll probably form some common bonds by then... if not, don't worry too much... some co-workers are just meant to be co-workers. about worrying if you come off rude... just be aware of your body language. Most people understand that some people are just shy or quiet. And since you're new, they probably assume you're nervous too. Just smile, make sure you say hi, and act friendly.
4. first, for the SAD - when your insurance kicks in (if you get it) I'd see a dr for it and get the help cause it's worth it - I had social anxiety years ago after a lengthy divorce and the therapy really helped. second, just be yourself - resist the urge to think if someone leaves you out of a conversation or an invite somewhere to think it's all YOU - it iwll take time for everyoe to adjust to having another person to consider in invites now. third, tell them you'd like to hang out sometime after work, go to a ball game or something - maybe a movie where for the first part of the night you're not having to think of what to say - then afterward go to a coffee shop or diner and you'll be able to talk about the movie. finally, if you are comfortable with this in person - admit to them that you suffer from SAD and explain to them what it is - they'll understand more that you're just a shy quiet guy, not a freak. best of luck to you honey
5. was there something that happened to you as a child that is causing you to act this way? i think once you face your fear of making friends or not being so self conscious, you can take the next step in having a conversation with someone. it's not going to happen overnight, but when you make friends, they are going to either like or hate you. so just keep trying until you find the real ones who like you for you.