Postal Letter

Arghhh blank spots in memory! Have I been date raped?

I was on my way to the post office this morning to return my copy of "Pedantic Nitpickers of the Twentieth Century" which I had purchased on ebay but upon examining had found contained a comma instead of question mark on page 402 in the chapter dealing with the precision trouser creasing sect head by Fussy Von Flusshausen. Anyway I digress, naturally I contacted the seller and explained the defect and he agreed to refund the purchase price rather than endure another ten year campaign of car scratching and postal dog effluent. Well without further digression, I had arrived at the post office counter and presented my parcel to Sam the Cetacean post mistress who made the usual honking noises and passed a label through the glass bullet proof partition, which incidentaly, offers no protection against nerve gas. I licked the proffered label prior to attaching it to the package and remembered nothing more until i awoke 1 hour later in the passport photo booth at Sainsbury's wearing only a sandwich board declaring " I interfere with cabbages"

Public Comments

1. That happened to me too!! Just yesterday! There has to be some sort of post office date rapist on the loose!
2. Obviously there was LSD on the postage stamp. I'm sorry to give you the sad news, but your were most definitely NOT date raped. Or, as the hayseed bully in My Counsin Vinny would put it, "In your DREAMS!" As for the sandwich board sign, it was most likely a head of cabbage looking for some payback.
3. I often get frustrated waiting in the Q for the post office I always wondered if they actually like to see us all hot and bothered in their presence, and they just don't want to get off their miserable fat bottoms and open another kiosk because it secretly turns them on under the desk in the salty depths of their territory.
4. As an ex-cabbage head I find your remarks derogatory, slanderous and frankly a bit antisemitic. Hope this helped. Click click click click click click click click click
5. The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question. - Stephen Jay Gould
6. Now old chap, I hate to have to be the one to break the news, but we've been concerned for some time. Might I suggest you return to ebay and search for a book entitled "Pedantic Alzheimer sufferers of the Twentieth Century" by May Morry-Loss. You are in good company. Apparently Anita Picker, a well-known sufferer, wrote to her local greengrocer every week for five years to complain about his erroneous sign declaring "apple's 20p per pound". Each week she forgot that she had already voiced her disgust at the superfluous apostrophe. It's the same story each week, generally involving you licking something and ending in public humiliation. Though why I'm telling you this, heaven knows, you'll be posting this same question again in a few hours.
7. As the editor of Pedantic Weekly and the writer of that very same book that you purchased, I must protest most vigorously at your slur that the question mark was replaced by a comma, let me tell you that it was a printing error not a composition error. That post mistress had strict instructions to pass you (if a complaint was made) the lable that had been doctored. You have not been raped, date or otherwise. However, a certain video will appear on utube in the near future with you as the star along with Bruno a rather large Alsation dog and an empty bottle of Guiness. Damn your impertinence, as if I would make such a glaring error.